On hair
2020 photograph of the back of Ward's shaved head framed by an arm.
Dominant culture is so ubiquitous that it makes very specific demands for what you do with the keratin that grows out of your skin. Despite your hair making no difference to anyone but you, it will be harshly corralled into a small paddock of acceptable style/length/colour combinations depending on your perceived gender.
Deviations are prohibited or punished. Most hairstyles are banned, abused, disparaged or discouraged. I experience this control when I move in the world with hair shorter than what dominant culture allows for someone they perceive as a woman.
From strangers there is an increase in “sir”, and the resultant over-apology. I smile at the should-be-obvious-but-isn’t stupidity of a gender system that can be confounded with a haircut.
From family there are attempts to bring me back in line, with “I preferred your old hair”, “It looks better long”, and ‘“Do people find that attractive?” Control under the guise of concern. The people for whom my attractiveness should be irrelevant are those most employed in the policing of it.
And by the way, dear aunt, the answer is no, the dominant culture does not find my hair attractive - and that's what I like about it.
p.s. this all applies to hair everywhere on the body
